Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize