is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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