I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
