Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
So gin and wine won't be happening again
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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