Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
