Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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