So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
