She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
