Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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