I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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