Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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