Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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