I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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