What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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