there's paper in my vomit.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize