someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
