you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
