Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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