I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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