Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
