Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
