those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
