bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
