My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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