why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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