I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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