My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
