Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
