is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I look excited, but its just a facade.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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