I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
