no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
