Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
