party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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