the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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