Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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