my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
