Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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