I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My vagina is officially offended.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
