no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
