Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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