i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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