i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
