Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
