He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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