she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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