my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
