Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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