I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
