So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
