Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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