Tell her she can't have a vagina
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize