help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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