I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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