Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
