just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
this just has baby written all over it
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
