Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
love makes seman taste better
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Everclear isn't food dammit
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
