Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Shame - the story of my life.
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