we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
