exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
