dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
