Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
