gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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