do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
