i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
