White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
