did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
